Show Don’t Tell

Memoirs are very popular among writers.  At least half the manuscripts I receive from clients are memoirs or personal experience books (a special type of memoir).

So far, we've learned that personal experience books start the day something different happened.  They are written much like fiction.  Each chapter is made up of roughly 3 to 5 scenes.  A scene has a beginning or purpose, an encounter, a reaction and a conclusion in a personal experience book -- it's a little different in fiction.

 Like a novel you need to give enough detail that the reader can see or feel what you're describing.  Unfortunately the majority of writers who come to me tell what happened instead of showing it.

A pipe burst and the kitchen flooded. I got out the toolbox and worked on it for 30 minutes, but I couldn't do anything. 

This is typical of the kind of thing I get from people writing memoirs or personal experience books. These things must be written within the scope of the scene.  But at any rate, we need more detail.  So take a look at it and see what we can do.

I was coming down the stairs when I heard this terrible gushing noise in the kitchen.  First there was a pop then a splash.  I jumped down the last three steps and raced for the kitchen.  I couldn't believe what an absolute mess it was.  I stood there for a minute, not knowing what to do.  Shouldn't I try to fix it myself? -- I am an absolute dummy at making repairs. Instead of calling a plumber like I should have, I headed for the garage and brought in the toolbox.  That was a mistake.  The water kept pouring out all over the place.  Then I realized I didn't know where or how to turn it off.  That did it.  I gave up and picked up the phone.  The plumber arrived with a scowl that told me exactly what he thought.  "Dumb homeowner doesn't know anything."  Mumbling to himself he hurried back outside and turned off the water.

That needs some revision, but the first thing is to get enough detail so you don't end up with a bare-bones sketch. You'd never write a novel that way.

The next thing, we need to show our reader what's happened instead of just telling them what's happening.  What do I mean?  If you as a writer say "I can't believe how cold it is on the back porch."  That's essentially telling.  The reader can't see it visually.

The two buckets of water sitting on the back porch were frozen all the way through.  When my mother reached over to pick them up she was shaking.  " I can't believe how cold it is out there," she said, "the thermometer on the back porch is down to 15 °F."

Here are some more examples:

I could almost taste the dust stirred up by the cars on the don't road as they passed.

My mouth felt hot and dry from the taste of dust settling over everything after the cars passed.

The dog growled.  That's not enough detail, nor can we see and feel it.  Take your readers into the living room with the dog.

I was sitting quietly in the living room, Spot lying beside me.   I didn't hear a thing, but suddenly, Spot growled and ran barking to the door.

  Now you’ve given your reader a visual.

The lawnmower was loud.

On Sunday mornings I looked forward to staying in bed until at least 10 o'clock.  But every Sunday my neighbor cranked up his lawnmower and clattered back and forth under my bedroom window for almost half an hour 

His hands were cold.

His hands felt like they had been soaking in ice water overnight.

You also need to let your reader smell, and taste, hear, touch and see.

That closet smelled bad.  That's not good enough.  Try this.

I slammed the closet door shut as the smell of mildew and a dead animal hit me in the face.

The smell of baking bread drifted through the kitchen.  I suddenly had the desire to eat a piece of it with the blackberry jam Mother had just taken out of the refrigerator.

You can also use similes and metaphors to offer comparisons.

We could hear the bushes stretching their branches against the living room window like fingernails against the glass.

Finally, try adding color to the scene.

Clumps of wild flowers, shades of yellow, purple, and red spread across the meadow.

So, if you're writing a personal experience book give your reader enough detail so that they have a good understanding of what you're talking about.  Also use language that they can feel and see.  You not writing a bare-bones book, you are going to make it full and complete.